Generate your
2014 resolutions

The best New Year’s resolutions come from quiet reflection and an unflinching look at your shortcomings, right? Wrong. The best (well, silliest) resolutions come from the Tendo Resolution Generator!

I
  • will
  • will not
  • will
  • will not

  • absent-mindedly
  • absolutely
  • accidentally
  • aggressively
  • awkwardly
  • brazenly
  • carefully
  • carelessly
  • constantly
  • continually
  • coquettishly
  • covertly
  • coyly
  • crazily
  • cruelly
  • demurely
  • disturbingly
  • docilely
  • dolefully
  • drunkenly
  • dutifully
  • endearingly
  • erotically
  • faithfully
  • forcefully
  • fruitlessly
  • furtively
  • gently
  • gingerly
  • half-heartedly
  • hella-cool-like
  • hopefully
  • increasingly
  • incredibly
  • ingratiatingly
  • insistently
  • joyfully
  • judgmentally
  • justifiably
  • laughingly
  • lightly
  • lightly
  • loosely
  • loudly
  • lovingly
  • manically
  • mightily
  • moronically
  • nervously
  • noisily
  • nonchalantly
  • obnoxiously
  • obsessively
  • perfectly
  • privately
  • proudly
  • publicly
  • quickly
  • quietly
  • regretfully
  • regularly
  • rudely
  • ruefully
  • sarcastically
  • shyly
  • shyly
  • skillfully
  • slowly
  • slyly
  • smilingly
  • sneakily
  • sneeringly
  • snidely
  • sparingly
  • spontaneously
  • stealthily
  • strongly
  • surreptitiously
  • tearfully
  • tenderly
  • tightly
  • truthfully
  • unwisely
  • unwittingly
  • righteously
  • urgently
  • vicariously
  • vindictively
  • voraciously
  • wantonly
  • wisely
  • wrongfully
  • #fail
  • admit to
  • antagonize
  • bang on
  • bear hug
  • beg for
  • bite
  • blog about
  • bogart
  • bribe
  • brush
  • bully
  • call
  • canoodle
  • caress
  • castigate
  • cat call
  • cheat
  • check
  • chew
  • clean
  • commit to
  • consider
  • control
  • covet
  • crawl on
  • create
  • cry about
  • cup
  • dance with
  • demonize
  • deny
  • destroy
  • develop
  • document
  • draw
  • dream of
  • drink
  • drive to
  • eat
  • eat
  • email
  • eradicate
  • exercise
  • eye
  • fear
  • fess up to
  • fist pump
  • follow
  • fondle
  • forget
  • friend
  • giggle at
  • give up
  • glare at
  • gnaw on
  • go to
  • gobble up
  • Google
  • gossip with
  • high five
  • hoard
  • hug
  • ignite
  • ignore
  • illustrate
  • imagine
  • incentivize
  • indulge
  • inflame
  • ingest
  • Instagram
  • insult
  • irritate
  • jab
  • jog around
  • justify
  • kiss
  • laugh at
  • legislate
  • lick
  • like
  • loiter near
  • love
  • lust after
  • reference
  • moisten
  • obsess on
  • oggle at
  • photograph
  • pinch
  • pine for
  • ping
  • plank on
  • play with
  • point out
  • poke
  • post about
  • praise
  • record
  • report
  • retain
  • return to
  • ride
  • rub
  • run to
  • scratch
  • share
  • share
  • sing to
  • smear
  • sneak
  • sneer at
  • soil
  • soothe
  • speak about
  • spy on
  • stalk
  • stalk
  • steal
  • stroke
  • sully
  • suspend
  • swallow
  • tease
  • tempt
  • terrorize
  • think about
  • tickle
  • toggle
  • torch
  • tug
  • Tweet about
  • twerk with
  • unfriend
  • unlike
  • update
  • vilify
  • walk on
  • wet
  • whip
  • whisper to
  • whistle at
  • wipe down
  • yawn during

  • a Nehru jacket
  • a Segway scooter
  • a Tesla
  • apples
  • fake Christmas trees
  • bad hair days
  • Batman
  • Belgian waffles
  • Beyonce
  • Billy Idol
  • blueberries
  • Bollywood
  • Boomers
  • Brangelina
  • burrittos
  • candy
  • cats
  • cheese
  • chicken tikka masala
  • cigars
  • coconut water
  • coffee
  • Cool Whip
  • corn fritters
  • corporate shuttles
  • cup cakes
  • David Hasselhoff
  • drumsticks
  • duckface selfies
  • Elvis impersonators
  • enourmous baby strollers
  • Excel spreadsheets
  • Facebook
  • Facebook
  • fairy tales
  • fake eyeglasses
  • fax machines
  • Fedora hats
  • Fight Club
  • filing cabinets
  • fish tacos
  • fixies
  • Flavor Flav
  • Fox News
  • fruit
  • gamification
  • gluten-filled foods
  • GoGurt
  • Google Glass
  • Google+
  • grilled cheese sandwiches
  • hippies
  • hipsters
  • Hobbitses
  • hot dogs
  • Iggy Pop
  • instant messages
  • Jackie Chan
  • jargon
  • Jay Z
  • junk food
  • Justin Bieber
  • kale chips
  • Katy Perry
  • Lady Gaga
  • large dogs
  • Lunchables
  • Maroon 5
  • Mickey Mouse
  • Miley Cyrus
  • mobile apps
  • my Android phone
  • my best friend's ex
  • my boyfriend's iPhone
  • my car
  • my children's candy
  • my coworkers' food
  • my family
  • my girlfriend's iPhone
  • my grandma's Android
  • my iPad Air
  • my iPhone
  • my neighbor's car
  • my neighbor's husband
  • my neighbor's wife
  • my pants
  • my Samsung phone
  • my sock drawer
  • my son's Lego set
  • my taxes
  • New York bagels
  • oatmeal
  • office supplies
  • One Direction
  • pandas
  • paper shredders
  • pencil mustaches
  • Pepsi Zero
  • Pho soup
  • photocopiers
  • pomegranates
  • popcorn
  • Post-It notes
  • Red Vines
  • rockets
  • Ryan Gosling
  • school teachers
  • Season 4 of The Wire
  • snakes
  • social media
  • Sriracha sauce
  • staplers
  • sushi
  • suspenders
  • tattoos
  • Teacup Poodles
  • teenage vampires
  • tequila
  • the beach
  • the bed
  • the Boodles
  • the cabana boy
  • the conference room
  • the dishwasher
  • the DMV
  • the dryer
  • the family cat
  • the family dog
  • the futon
  • the Giants
  • the gym
  • The House
  • the Hulk
  • the internet
  • the laundromat
  • the library
  • the maid
  • The New York Times
  • the office chocolate
  • the office elevator
  • the police car
  • the Principal
  • the Principal's office
  • the Real Housewives
  • the refrigerator
  • the Senate
  • the sock monkey
  • the stars of Duck Dynasty
  • The United Nations
  • the video conference
  • the washing machine
  • trees
  • tweaking
  • twerking
  • Twinkies
  • Twitter
  • Uggs
  • Vegas
  • Vodka
  • WebEx
  • wild-caught Salmon
  • woolen socks
  • wrecking balls
  • yo mama
  • your boss
  • your Chuck Taylors
  • your grandma's cooking
  • YouTube videos
  • Zach Galifianakis
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